What’s in a name?

I’m still a Fernandes at heart. No passport can prove otherwise.

When first posed with the prospect of changing my second name, I freaked out. Imagine being called one name your whole life, and suddenly 27 years later, when prince charming appears, you have to give up that right and take on a new name. It just isn’t something a man would easily do.

Thankfully my prince didn’t think it was necessary for me to change my second name. He didn’t need it as validation of my love for him. Unfortunately it didn’t matter what he thought. We were relocating to the Middle East soon after the wedding and everyone was certain no immigration officer was going to speak my language or understand why we didn’t share the same second name if we are husband and wife.

All my gender biased arguments seemed insufficient. I had to resign to the fact that life will be easier for my children if I just go ahead and adopt my husband’s second name. No hyphenated names either. A Fernandes-Mathias or a Mathias-Fernandes sounded and still sounds like a confusing jambalaya of sorts.

I consoled myself that I had it easier than a lot of women who have to change both names when they find a suitor. Thank god I fell for someone who had a decent surname. That famous Shakespearean line 'A rose by any other name, would still smell the same' didn't console me much either.

Even so, for me the name change was a pretty big deal.

Most writers can vouch for that natural high they receive from seeing their byline published. Your name actually validating your work for posterity. We have it so much better than copywriters who may receive pots of money for their copy but are largely anonymous, since credit usually goes to the ad agency.

Of course after repeated rounds at one-too-many press conferences, most journos get pretty accustomed to seeing their names in print. They might say it doesn’t please them after a while, but don’t believe them.

Pompous though it may sound, I was thrilled to see my name published every week next to a column that ran a few years ago. It was the same feeling I got when I wrote for a college magazine. Though I did other stuff besides the column and I’m no Larry King, I got my share of dedicated calls from people who recognised the name.

Close to five years on, the new name isn’t feeling old. I’ve gotten used to the new signature too. But I still use email addresses with my maiden name. I’m mostly the same person who vowed never to change my name back in an ‘all for equality’ phase. No amount of name changes is going to alter that.


There was a poem by Larkin that I loved so many years ago. He said it best so I will leave it to him to have the last word.

Maiden Name
by Philip Larkin

Marrying left yor maiden name disused.
Its five light sounds no longer mean your face,
Your voice, and all your variants of grace;
For since you were so thankfully confused
By law with someone else, you cannot be
Semantically the same as that young beauty:
It was of her that these two words were used.

Now it's a phrase applicable to no one,
Lying just where you left it, scattered through
Old lists, old programmes, a school prize or two,
Packets of letters tied with tartan ribbon -
Then is it secentless, weightless, strengthless wholly
Untruthful? Try whispering it slowly.
No, it means you. Or, since your past and gone,

It means what we feel now about you then:
How beautiful you were, and near, and young,
So vivid, you might still be there among
Those first few days, unfingermarked again.
So your old name shelters our faithfulness,
Instead of losing shape and meaning less
With your depreciating luggage laiden.

Comments

  1. I hope your Prince Charming does read this post and vouches that you have not changed since he first met you !! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Glenn. Well you are 'the best man' to ask him that:)

    ReplyDelete

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