Socially irrelevant

Who makes up your network? I’m not asking about the 892 friends who might make up your friend list, few of whom, may barely keep in touch on a regular basis.

If you are like me, I’m sure a great part of your day is spent on Facebook and many like minded sites, but I’m not talking about that kind of network. I’m talking about your people. The ones you rely on, when life seems like its hanging by a thread.

Who are those chosen few you call in a crisis, on bad hair days, when stuck in a really bad mess? When you just need someone to listen to you crib without prejudice.

Chances are most people will readily say that their family, spouse and significant others are the ones that anchor them to shore when a little lost at sea.

While that may be the general norm, lately I’m wondering if we are really spending too much time on social networking (SN) when we aren’t really being social at all.

What happened to hand-written letters? Are they only for Mommy because she doesn’t have the time to set up an email account? Sure you can always print a thousand emails but there’s something classy about someone taking the trouble to write to you. A hand written letter is one you won’t as easily toss into the bin.

Hand made cards are quickly becoming a thing of the past too. I keep promising myself that I will make some after making the time. E-cards just don’t seem as convincing.

But leave alone, correspondence via snail mail or electronic mail, lately I’m finding myself calling fewer people just to say hi.

Every time I call someone its always, ‘Hello,’ followed quickly by, ‘Are you busy? The ‘How are you’ sometimes follow only if the person on the other end of the line has a moment to speak. Shameful, but true.

Most conversations are rushed, except if they are on Skype and while I’m at it, thank god for Skype. Once downloaded it is free, at least for now. Yesterday my three-year old son and five-year old nephew had the most beautiful conversation of repeated ‘How are yous’ and ‘I miss yous,’ to last them through a great many weeks apart. Had that international call been paid for, we’d probably be leaping to lug the phone away from their tender hands.

Do adults talk with such inhibition anymore? I’m not talking about the lovey- dovey sweet nothings you whisper to that special someone when you are wooing each other. (Thankfully when I was dating, calls from 9pm to 9am on one number was free. You have to choose wisely and talk incessantly. Not a problem!) It just seems that we are so guarded about what we say these days.

Does anyone do those random phone calls to bitch about the real stuff, anymore? I’m not talking about just cribbing about the weather. How about discussing the stuff that really gets your gutt? You know the down and dirty stuff.

Not cutesy status messages that never ‘really’ say what’s on your mind.

Instead of: ‘I just visited Paradise Island,’ how about ‘I can’t stand my boss, he borrowed my I-pod and never gave it back’ or ‘I can’t believe I’ve been exercising this long and haven’t lost any weight, while my sister has.’ We’d never do that. Imagine the scandal. A girl was once fired for her status message proclaimed that she was bored at work! The company justified it by saying that they didn’t want a non performer to work with them.

So speaking your mind is definitely not for the SN sites.

I miss the kind of friendships that take me back to a younger, crazier self. When I could just speak my mind without wondering if I was being branded a liberalist or an atheist.

True that sometimes the thoughts that enter my mind would bring some networking sites towards the line of self censorship. Now don’t just think down and dirty. I’m saying sometimes I wish I could tell politicians and shows off alike, what I really think about them.

I miss the real friends I can just be me with. The ones I can call after months of forgetting to and just catch up where we left off. Not just the obligatory birthday calls which will of course soon become redundant as well. Why should you take the time to call someone, let alone text them when you can do it for free on Orkut?

Should you feel offended when a best friend doesn’t reply to your FB message and take it to mean they don’t care anymore? Or do they just have too many friend messages to keep up with?

Maybe I’m too naive to expect distance to automatically make the heart grow fonder. After years of moving further away from what I like to consider home, it isn’t easy to pick up on the same wavelength with most friends. Thankfully I’m still riding that wave with certain close buddies. Our wallets and waist lines may have expanded, our core ideas and addresses may have changed too, but deep down there is regard for one another’s well being.

I guess that’s the time I’m thankful for SN sites, which at least allow a window into another friend’s world. I just hope I don’t over rely on these networks to help keep socially active.